Tea with Linda - Integrity
Tea with Linda - Integrity
Contributor: Linda Kavelin Popov, Co-Founder of TVP, April 2025
Integrity: Walking the Talk
Are you a covenant person? Do your actions live up to your words? According to the world's sacred texts, the integrity of walking our talk is essential soul work. Companion virtues of trustworthiness, truthfulness, and reliability are also at the heart of real success and prosperity. Dan used to say, "Where would you rather shop? 'Dishonest Ed's' or 'Honest Ed's'?"
When we live by integrity, we can be trusted. That foundation of trust is the key to lasting love. When a relationship is splintered by betrayal, it is very hard to heal. Our intimates have the power to wound us deeply, which can shatter trust if abuse occurs repeatedly without sincere remorse or amends.
People pleasing is an emotional habit that throws integrity off track. It shows up when we want peace at any price. If children are fussing about not getting to go somewhere special, or begging for something you know you can't deliver, it can be tempting to appease them in the moment and promise something you can't fulfill.
The compulsion to please can damage our truthfulness and crimp our integrity. I deeply regret that I used to do that when my children were little, trying to soothe their momentary upset. As I learned more about virtues, I developed a healthier habit of saying, "We'll see when the time comes if it's possible." By not promising something that may not be possible, you build trust and teach children integrity by example.
Another important way to practice integrity is to only set boundaries that you enforce every time. Don't say it if you don't mean it. Our three-year old island granddaughter tested my boundary that she was required to clean up her toys at the end of her daily visits and put them all in “her” drawer. One day she refused and ran home. The next day she walked slowly toward the drawer looking over her shoulder at me, and I just shook my head and said, "You can try again tomorrow." We played in other ways that day without toys. She came the next day and said, "I help, Mama." "Good responsibility!" I said and nodded as she opened her toy drawer. Caving in and saying, "OK, just this once" damages the child's trust and your integrity.
After "self-publishing" and distributing from our garage in BC Canada, we received many rejections when approaching publishers with The Family Virtues Guide. Finally, we received an offer, with an advance of $10,000 from a small publisher. The editor told us she had to bend her publisher’s arm to make the offer. Several weeks later, she moved to a large publishing house in New York and made an offer saying her former boss wasn’t interested anymore. I rang the boss, who said this wasn’t true and she still wanted to publish it. Each swore the other was lying. After prayer and reflection, I rang them back and said, "Neither of you can have it because I can't tell who’s telling the truth." It was heart-wrenching because finances were tight. But it felt like the integrous thing to do. A few weeks later, our New York agent said there was suddenly so much interest from all the major publishers that the book was going up for auction! It sold to Penguin Books at more than ten times the former offer. This was a direct confirmation that “virtue is its own reward.”