Tea with Linda - THOUGHTFULNESS

Tea with Linda - THOUGHTFULNESS

Linda Kavelin Popov, Co-Founder of TVP, April 2024.

We live in our minds. We dwell in our thoughts. The world’s sacred traditions speak of thought as the source of our being, our very reality. “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7) We need to be very discerning about what we focus our thoughts on, because that focus determines our quality of life. “The mind is everything. What you think, you become.” (Buddha) “The reality of man is his thought.” (Abdu’l-Baha) Our thoughts lead to our actions. Thought is the most real and generative aspect of our lives. The great inventor, Henry Ford, said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

There are two main facets of the virtue of thoughtfulness: one is harnessing the power of our thoughts to make discerning decisions, and the other is focusing mindfully on the needs of others and showing our love and care in meaningful ways. An important question to ask ourselves is how much of the time our thoughts are focused on the unpleasant things of life that discourage and bring us down, and how much time is spent in creative thought, including creating happy experiences and memories for the ones we care about.

This may make sense intellectually, but how much control do we have over our thoughts, really? Don’t they just come unbidden? I believe we have more control over our thoughts and emotions than we realize. Remember the virtues water magic “trick”? It’s impossible to remove what clouds the water, but it is possible to replace it. Replacing anger with a peaceful and mindful focus on justice, for example, or replacing impatience with patience can work wonders. Reorienting our thoughts to virtues is a powerful way to live more consciously. Calling ourselves to a virtue in a situation that is unpleasant, stepping back in detachment in order to reflect on what we choose to do is a way to keep from being swept away by emotion or negative thoughts. Then there is the aspect of thoughtfulness that focuses on the needs of others. People who are really good at gift-giving are examples of the power of thoughtfulness, which includes carefully observing someone’s likes and dislikes. Continual thoughtfulness is one of the keys to joyful, loving relationships. Often two people in an intimate relationship have different love languages, even under the same circumstances. When I’m ill, for instance, I want attention. I appreciate being able to recite everything I’m feeling and experiencing. My husband is a wonderful caregiver and gives me those things. For him, when he isn’t feeling well, even asking him how he is triggers thoughts about how bad he feels. His love language is silence and small, thoughtful acts like making soup. For me it’s like speaking a foreign language not to nurture him as I want to be nurtured. But thankfully, I’ve learned to respect his need for solitude rather than solicitude. Thoughtfulness is doing unto others as you would have them do unto you…if you were they!