Tea with Linda - RESPECT

Tea with Linda - RESPECT

Linda Kavelin Popov, Co-Founder of TVP, November, 2024.

Dan and I have had the deep privilege of sharing The Virtues Project with First Nations around the world. Among them are many Pacific Islanders from Yap and Palau to Vanuatu and Fiji, Australian Aboriginals to New Zealand Maori; work with SOARS (Society of Aboriginal Addictions and Recovery) across Canada; Inuit people in the Arctic Circle; tribal peoples across Montana (which has the highest rate of suicide in the U.S.); and, at present, our beloved Aitutaki community of Cook Island Maori people. 

A core virtue deeply embedded in Indigenous cultures is respect for elders. In longhouses, there are often couches at the front of the room for elders to sit comfortably. Some are called Wisdom Keepers or Knowledge Holders, and their presence is considered essential at important gatherings such as Virtues healing retreats. Souls that have crossed over to the spiritual world are called “the grandfathers and grandmothers.” Elders are shown special care because of their long lives and the knowledge and wisdom they have gathered. A passage in Buddhism says: “A man is not an elder because his head is gray. He is but ripe in age, and he is called one ‘grown old in vain.’ One in whom there is truthfulness, virtue, inoffensiveness, restraint, and self-mastery, who is free from defilements and is wise — he is truly called an Elder.” (Dhammatthavagga: 260)

One of the best ways to honor and respect elders is to companion them—to listen to their stories, which are the repository of meaning and virtues. 

I facilitate a weekly virtues session of several hours with the mamas and papas. Several have dementia. One gentleman sat by himself utterly quiet while others shared virtue stories. He didn’t want to paint or play cards, or even eat much of the meal lovingly prepared for the group. One day I had an idea. I went over to him and struck up a conversation. “What did you do when you were younger, Papa?” He sat up straight and talked about his three shops, then lapsed into silence. I said, “I have a favor to ask. Will you teach me to speak ‘local’”? He lit up and started teaching me to count in Maori from one to ten. He laughed when I couldn’t remember more than two at a time. “You’ll get it,” he said. “Just keep practicing.” He’s taught me how to respectfully address a group: “Kia Orana, tautu. Ka toa toa.” (Kind greetings, all. Everyone!) It took me many tries to pronounce it properly. He perked up considerably. 

Many with dementia come to life when they sing or dance. He now dances in his chair to island music, laughing with delight. 

Spiritual companioning – asking questions and then listening respectfully is a great gift for elders and for any age, as you know. Respectful listening with sacred curiosity is all too rare. Know that whenever you companion, you show powerful respect. You are honoring the spirit of others with your compassionate presence.